Issue link: http://read.dmtmag.com/i/112126
closeness Finding Closeness Through Distance Changing communities and changing perceptions are what Lisa Caire, founder of the Black Women���s Wellness Foundation, and husband Kaleem, president and CEO of the Urban League of Greater Madison, dedicate their lives to. But it���s been learning to ���nd themselves that Lisa says has kept them dedicated to each other Kaleem tells the story of how we met and remembers every detail ��� the way I walked, the shoes I had on, what I talked about. What I remember is a handsome man showing up at my dorm to pick me up for a date. He���d been in the Navy and had seen the world, and his experiences fed my desire to escape the safe, protected life I knew growing up in a small, Southern community. ���You can���t shape a person into who you want them to be. But having that foundation of commonalities gives you something to lean on.��� In those early days, when I was 19 and he was 20, there was real honest affection, admiration and respect. We were so innocent; there wasn���t much holding back. We soon realized we shared the same foundational principles about family, serving our community, empowering others, and righting the wrongs we saw around us. A year later, we started our lives together. Through the di���cult times���and there have been many di���cult times during our 20 years of marriage���that���s the foundation that brings us back to each other. It 38 BRAVA Magazine March 2013 reminds us what is important and why we���ve been invested in each other this long. One of the things I always heard from my female elders was: ���Let that man be who he is,��� or ���Give that man some space.��� There were years early on when having a little breathing room, a little space, just wasn���t possible. We were parents to ���ve children, we were somebody���s employees, and we were serving through volunteerism. When all of those things piled up on each other, our lives and our relationship began to feel crowded. Now we recognize we are a unit, and that it takes partnership and compromise, as well as making space to let each other ���nd our calling or purpose as individuals. Early on in our relationship, we were never apart, and we were so impacted by each other. If we didn���t agree on something, it was crushing. Over time, we learned not to take it personally and to say: ���That���s just him or her.��� You can���t shape a person into who you want them to be. But having a foundation of commonalities gives you something to lean on. One thing we���ve always loved is getting out on the road, and just driving and talking for hours. Even now, we love taking road trips. Carving out that time is something we���re trying to get better at. Laying down our work and remembering how to relax like those two innocent, young kids who met 21 years and 10 lifetimes ago.