Issue link: http://read.dmtmag.com/i/251527
38 BRAVA MAGAZINE | FEBRUARY 2014 W hether it's at the top of our lists or not, our sexuality is a con- stant in our lives. And like most things, as time goes by and everything changes, so does life between the sheets. "To say that women's sexuality is com- plex is probably an understatement," says Marta Staple, a nurse practitioner ˬNDCERTIǠEDWOMENmSHEˬLTHSPECIˬLISTˬT Meriter Medical Group. "So many vari- ables feed into a woman's interest in sex, her response to sex, her desire to continue to have sex, her interest in partners over TIMEŀEREˬRECHˬNGESTHˬTHˬVEBEEN noted through the lifetime." And if a woman is privately thinking about sex, she may also feel bombarded with external sexual images and pres- sure everywhere she looks—messages on TV, in movies, in media and on magazine racks telling her how to be her sexiest self ever. While sexuality experts say you don't have to be "sexy" or even sexually active to be happy—unless the issue is causing you distress—they concur that this con- stant barrage makes many women think they have to meet certain standards in order to be complete or avoid total failure in the bedroom. "In our current culture, sexuality is a very important component to being ˬWOMˬNŀEREˬRESOCIˬLSTRESSESˬND falsehoods that exist that paint an unre- alistic picture of how you should function or what you can do or should do," says Dr. Julie Schurr, an OB/GYN with Me- lius, Schurr & Cardwell in Madison. ŀEFˬCTISEVERYWOMˬNISDIFFERENT And while we all may experience similar physical changes as we age, we're never going to be on the same page as the next gal regarding what we like, how often we like it, or even if we like it at all. "Whenever I have a conversation with a woman, they say 'Am I normal? I don't think I'm normal,'" says Ellen Barnard, a licensed social worker and owner of A Woman's Touch Sexuality Resource Center in Madison. "And I say 'Of course you are. Of course you're normal.'" You just have to keep certain guidelines about sex in mind, she says. "No. 1: Unless you're engaging in nonconsensual or abu- sive relationships, everything is normal, and there's really a wide range. No. 2: Frequency has nothing to do with any- thing." Bottom line? Your personal experience is unlike anyone else's in almost every way. So go with it; have fun with it; and by all means, have your version of great sex for the rest of your life. "I know what works for me but I don't know what works for anybody else. And if you say 'I don't know what works for me,' then you know what your path is," Barnard says. It's time to explore and ǠGUREITOUT great sex pectations WITH EACH DECADE, IT'S AN EVER-CHANGING PROSPECT. HERE'S TO KEEPING IT REAL, FUN AND STANDARDS-FREE. BY MARNI MCENTEE PHOTOGRAPHY BY A SUNSHINE MOMENT PHOTOGRAPHY AND UNVEILED PORTRAITS PHOTO BY A SUNSHINE MOMENT PHOTOGRAPHY