Issue link: http://read.dmtmag.com/i/67888
smile and give nervous greetings, telling Mom how nice she looks, how good it is to see her. One woman kneels down next to Mom's chair and smiles into her face, "Ruby, do you remember who I am?" Mom looks to me in desperation, fright- ened. She can't remember the woman and feels she should, that it's expected of her. She turns away to avoid the woman, and her failure. Afterward Mom cries. I try to reassure her. "I don't remember names either, it's not your fault, please, it's all right." I re- mind her I am here, her family is here for her, she is safe, she is cared for, she is loved. But little helps in her increasingly confused world. Dementia can be almost as confusing and someone who loves her. She may not remember my name, but she knows I am someone what she remembers. Pure, sweet, joyful love unencumbered by details, by old con- flicts, all imprinted somewhere inside her by a lifetime of raising us. That love is what I see when she asks to the family. I miss my mother. She was the one who used to hold me, who dried my tears. She doesn't remember that ter- rible day when the doctors said I couldn't have children and that to try would likely kill me. She doesn't remember that long tear- ful evening, her words of consolation, the reassurances she still loved me, would al- ways love me, children or no children. She doesn't remember, so I remember for her. Yet, somewhere deep inside, her love for me, my sisters and brother remains. That is if I have children, and I tell her I don't. Sweet sympathy glows from her eyes as she reaches up to my cheeks and lightly holds my face close to hers. She speaks slowly and with startling conviction. "Oh, my dear, you don't know what you missed." Carol Elizabeth Larson recently retired af- ter 33 years in broadcasting, and is now a freelance writer living in the Madison area. Find her at carolsvoice.net. Her mother, Ruby Victoria Larson, died on March 6, 2010 at the age of 96. Find a list of resources for caregivers at bravamagazine.com. May 2012 bravamagazine.com 57 she loves