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DREAM TEAM Once you've decided that divorce is the best option, you'll want to gather a support team for the bumpy road ahead. Simply put, you may want to delegate the different aspects of your divorce to the appropriate professionals. How do you start piecing together your network? When it comes to securing a lawyer, Christopher Krimmer, a family law attorney with Balisle & Roberson, S.C., suggests looking to one who's informative and who understands your goals in the divorce, whether it's through litigation, collaborative mediation or otherwise. "You want to leave [an initial] conference knowing the law, 2/3 of divorces are filed by the wife, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. knowing what is relevant for the court to consider, and knowing what spectrum of options might occur," he explains. Teaming up with an expert who reflects your attitude is also a great approach to finding a financial advocate. While divorce lawyers are well versed in financial issues and strive to ensure you leave a marriage in a good position, financial advisors can help you paint your bigger financial picture throughout the proceedings. "A financial advisor shows you how your settlement is going to affect you 10 or 20 years from now and helps you plan for that reality," says Debbie Oswald, senior wealth manager at SVA Plumb Wealth Management. And while these experts can help untangle complicated legal and financial issues, both note that letting emotions get in the way can lead to irrational or even harmful decision making. This is where a therapist, life coach and friends (or all of the above) come in. According to Teresa Atkin, a life coach with Relationship Place, finding these experts is all about using the proper channels to handle the pain and stress—and a successful strategy is to let your emotions out in a space where you feel secure. "Very often people will come to group classes to grieve, get angry, or just feel all of their emo- tions in a safe place," she says. With a strong network in place, you'll be able to approach each decision ahead knowing where to turn. Look Ahead No matter how you feel about the decision to di- vorce, there's no escaping the uncertainty it brings and the simple fact that change is often difficult. Not only that, finalizing the divorce can take time. "It's not unusual for the divorce process to take three years," explains Atkin, who recommends fac- ing this transition with patience and confronting the emotional challenges in a thoughtful way. A good first step to getting through the rough patch? Honestly confronting the past so that you can put it behind you—for good. "It may not always be clear why your marriage ended, so sometimes it helps to go back and rethink the history of the relationship and feel your emotions rather than avoiding them," she explains. Atkin also points out that letting go of the past is a helpful way to clear your mind as you confront the challenges of the present, which often require a staggering amount of energy. No matter how you slice it, going through Lawyer "You don't want a layer who guarantees a specific outcome," Krimmer says. Financial Advisor Life Coach "A financial advisor shows you how a settlement is going to affect you 10 or 20 years from now," Oswald says. divorce eats up your free time—from scheduling appointments to figuring out new living arrange- ments to being slowed down by emotional hurdles and more. "With all the intensity of emotions that you may be feeling … first try to normalize what you're experiencing," Atkin explains. It helps to focus on making this transition a part "Many come to a life coach because they have worn their friends out," Atkin explains. of your new routine. And, as always, reaching out for help should never be out of the question. "Sometimes we are [our] own worst enemies be- cause we don't easily accept help," explains Atkin. Maybe it's a co-worker who can help with a task for the time being, a friend who can help with a meal or two, or a neighbor who can assist with a car pool—let yourself reach out and ask. Then, take a moment to breathe. "Breathe slowly, deeply and often," says Denise C. Williamson, a psychotherapist who works in partnership with The Integral Psychology Center. "[Getting through divorce] can feel overwhelming. However, know you can take it one step at a time." 60 BRAVA Magazine August 2012 Build a of Experts Honestly