Issue link: http://read.dmtmag.com/i/875930
world fence news • october 2017 • 39 Reaching the goal line continued from page 37 when he has nothing better. But maybe I'm being harsh. Per- haps there's more to it. Maybe there's a reason your boss acts the way he does. And I think I've found it. Through ex- haustive research, I believe I've stum- bled upon the five most prominent reasons why bosses continue to thrust Goal Setting Exercises on you, the un- suspecting employee: They hate you. They really, really hate you. They're using GSE to hypnotize their bosses just long enough for them to polish their resume so they can blow out of this hellhole. Or if they lack the creative skills to lie convincingly on their resume, GSE then provides them with an av- enue to tread water until the day they get transferred to another department or die. (See employee handbook defi- nition: Win-win situation.) They can look at you without los- ing their cookies, but still, the whole naggy, bothersome concept of actual- ly interacting with employees really grates on their nerves. To them, the employee/animals interfere with golf, fantasy football, and downloading adult materials off the Internet. GSE offers protection against these rude interruptions. Clobber an employee just once with GSE and he's guaranteed to stay away forever. GSE is quick, easy, inherently and completely vague, and is sure to render any employee – regardless of enthusi- asm, drive, and ability – completely numb. And that's how you want them. Even better, when applied properly, GSE closely resembles torture, thus providing hours of giddy pleasure for your boss. The problem (ha, suckeeerrrs!) Office goals are lucid in concept and fuzzy in detail. This is how they were designed. Through years of ap- athy and self-deceit, your boss has evolved an innate ability to convince himself that he's able to visualize goals with crystal clear perspective and clarity, even though he can't ex- plain them. And it doesn't matter wheth- er you're large or small (I'm talking about office goals here, not body size). Even Fortune 500 CEOs with re- ally good hair and a direct bloodline to the board of directors don't have a clue, and haven't fooled anyone in quite some time. The employees are on to them. In fact, most figured out they weren't exactly working for a visionary genius the first time they walked in on their boss with his tie caught in the paper shredder. But the insurgence of GSE con- tinues. According to the latest U.S. Census information, the typical office manager (who, according to this same report, is 99.2 percent of the time the owner's most ignorant, unemployable child), GSE is now used to cure virtu- ally all office woes. When sales are down, set goals. When office morale drops, set goals. When there's no other solution (and you can't come right out and say your product and service suck), set goals. The problem (Let me know when this gets irritating ... ) Another troubling aspect of GSE, particularly when paired with hu- mans, lies in the fact that goals have always had an inherent flexibility. Goals are often modified during the course of the journey. Here's one common example: • Original goal – Lose 15 pounds. • Modified goal – Consume body- weight in Twinkies and Jack Daniels at one sitting. You see – flexibility. This natu- ral inclination by people to alter their goals was something the original GSE Nostradamuses never counted on. They never in their wildest dreams imagined GSE would inspire anything but complete transformation of virtu- ally any sluggish, stagnant business atmosphere into a new, emboldened, and enlivened synergist environment that would rocket along like a hum- mingbird shot from a howitzer. I mean, after all – they surmised – what could possibly go wrong with a theory premised solely on the three most solid of human attributes: 1. Our laser-like, long-range vi- sion and acute planning skills. 2. Our innate ability to apply self-discipline and provide honest as- sessment of our own faults. 3. Our ability to relentlessly pur- sue the drive to unselfishly correct those faults (once discovered) in the selfless goal to perpetuate our compa- ny and provide our owners with great- er profits and larger cars. Oh, wait. I think I may have spot- ted a few potential problem areas. Conclusion (Whaddya mean, "Thank God?") We all need to step back for a moment and examine GSE. We must view goals for what they are: An continued on page 56 800-328-GATE www.tymetal.com We Close Openings Greenwich, NY • Pearland, TX • Ft. 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