World Fence News

46 • JULY 2019 • WORLD FENCE NEWS Gates. Hardware. Turnstiles. Controls. Pro Access Systems is a leading single-source provider of integrated access control solutions and expert technical support for industrial, commercial, and residential applications. ■ SafeGlide® Aluminum Gates ◆ Slide Gates ◆ Swing Gates ◆ Crash Deterrent Gates ◆ Custom Gates ■ Gate Hardware ■ Turnstiles ■ Gate Operators ■ Access Controls Since 1990, Pro Access has partnered with contractors, installers, architects, and engineers to deliver high-quality designs, products, and services for complete access control. All our access control solutions comply with the UL 325 safety standard. Engineered for Compliance Pro Access Systems Atlanta (770) 955-4411 / Charlotte (704) 313-0300 / Chicago (630) 426-0022 Denver (303) 288-1700 / Tampa (813) 881-1200 www.G8Pro.com In loving memory of Jim Hart, fencer, storyteller, and world class humorist, WFN reprints some of the many articles that he contributed to the publication over the years. Sadly, Jim passed away some time ago in Florida, where he lived. This column first appeared in the May 1991 edition of World Fence News. • • • Dog days, dog days, dear old golden dog days! How's that song go? Anyway, due to a bad habit I ac- quired as a child – namely, eating – I am forced to pursue my chosen profession at the ungodly hour of 6:30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. Who else gets up this early? I'll tell you. A rich farmer ($3.9 million net last year, according to the newspa- per). He wants some dog pens, needed 'em yesterday. The mutts are ruining his landscape with their digging. So I meet him at his office at 7 a.m. He greets me with, "You did a good job on my other place, you got this one. I need three pens at the barn, in concrete, and run them out as far as the wood fence goes." He gives me directions to his place. It's a miracle! I only met this guy once before about 30 years ago. I led a strike on him by a fruit harvest crew who wanted more "dinero!" I got 'em $1.10 a box for fruit I never saw. I simply announced the fruit was worth $1.10 a box just to look at it, never mind pick it, so go ahead and strike! They did, and got $1.10. As for who built his other dog pens, I have no idea! Work's work, right? He don't re- member me; I re- member him! He says to do it, what- ever it costs! " W h a t e v e r it costs" comes to over $3,000. I work him up a 'di- agram-material-cost-swindle sheet.' He says, "That much? Whew!" "Do I have three stalls?" he says? (Actually, he has six.) Pour two, leave the outside one for the horse. I tell him that 11-1/2 gauge 72" won't hold a horse! "Horse?" he says. "I don't have a horse. I have three bur- ros, two 300 lb. cows and six dogs!" Well, I can see that one of us ain't hitting on all the cylinders here. This Dog pen job hounds fencer to the end BY JIM HART, WFN CONTRIBUTING EDITOR EMERITUS bum don't know if he is on horseback or afoot! Me, I've got both oars in the water myself. Unfortunately, they're both on the same side of the boat. I take the job, why I don't know. Then he chang- es the layout, and informs his wife and No. 1 son, who "moonlights" as a deputy sheriff 70 hours a week when he ain't fencing. Course, none of it's on paper. All we can agree on is the wood fence is to come down and the runs are 72 feet long! Building two doghouses and relocating a stall door somehow crept into the layout. No one tells me nothin'. I had al- lowed $300 to take the wood down, thinking it was "creosote." It wasn't, and falls apart real easy. So I'm $100 ahead again until the customer comes on the scene and says leave it. We are pulling the last nail out when he says that, of course. So we rebuild it. I'm $300 in the hole and it's only 10:30! I give the oars a few pulls, go in a circle and come back to the starting point. I say, "Just exactly what do you want? Put it on paper this time!" The concrete man shows up, and shovels out about three yards of B.S., straw and dirt for the pens. His crew cusses every shovel full. The stuff is fossilized – petrified – rock hard! He pours that afternoon. I check to see if it's done, and it is. The "fos- silized dung heap" is gone. But so is a 57-foot-long, two-foot- deep ditch on the far end of the lay- out where we were going to trench in some rabbit wire! The customer's yard man, who wasn't informed about the dog pens, says it took him two hours to fill in the ditch with the manure! He also threw in several thousand rocks, ranging from 4" to 8" diameter. Geez, give this guy a week and the Grand Canyon would be no more! It's going to take me a day to dig it all out again for the rabbit wire! Oh well, it comes with the territory! The next day we start laying out, but can barely drive stakes, the ground is so dry and hard, with grass roots continued on page 78 It's a miracle ! I only met this guy once before about 30 years ago. I led a strike on him by a fruit harvest crew who wanted more "dinero! " I got 'em $1.10 a box for fruit I never saw. I simply announced the fruit was worth $1.10 a box just to look at it, never mind pick it, so go ahead and strike ! They did, and got $1.10.

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