Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/118258
Even if the incident is reported (and even if their assailant is prosecuted) there's still the need to process the emotions left in the wake of the assault—a daunting ordeal that can make some victims want to quietly wish it away instead. Like many, Conlin did not report the assault to police. She was afraid she would not have been believed in court, and after telling her mother, who implored her to "keep it in the family," she worried that dragging the incident into the light of day would have a devastating effect on her loved ones. But she did tell a friend, and hinted at it in talks with a teacher and a counselor. Then, while she was in college and the experience was still heavy in her mind, she seized an opportunity to face the situation in the most direct way possible. While at a party, she ran into her assailant. With the urge to put the experience behind her overriding any lingering fears, she confronted him. After talking, he acknowledged what he did was rape and apologized. His admission, and her own willingness to talk about it in the open, was one of the first of many ways Conlin ultimately gained some closure. "I had thought, 'Did this really happen? How did it spiral out of control so quickly?'" she recalls. "For him to use the word 'rape' gave me some peace." No matter how one confronts the experience of being assaulted, experts often stress the importance of finding a way to cope with feelings and being surrounded by those who offer support. Though it can still be a struggle for Conlin to open up about everything that happened, she's continued to push herself to talk about it nevertheless. In college she led a support group for sexual assault survivors, and today she serves on the board of the Rape Crisis Center. But it was not until 2001—six years after the assault—that Conlin sought the added counsel of a therapist. "I dealt with it on my own for a long time," she admits. Looking back at her experience Conlin's advice for others starts with acknowledging a necessary—and powerful—truth. "First of all it's not your fault. It is never the victim's fault," she says. And after that? "Get support. I would encourage them to report it but I understand if they do not," she says. "It's their choice whether to report an assault or not but I would urge them to do what it takes to be able to move on." While the wounds will never heal completely, talking about the assault openly is part of Conlin's way of coping and hopefully helping others, she explains. "If my talking about it helps one girl out there, it's worth it," she says. ••• For confidential counseling or other help, contact the Dane County Rape Crisis Center 24 hours a day, seven days a week at (608) 251-RAPE. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month—Get inspired, protect yourself and learn more about the issues at these area events Un-Run for the Rape Crisis Center Support Dane County's Rape Crisis Center during this annual fundraiser by making a donation and then doing nothing (or just relaxing in your favorite way). Proceeds will support RCC programs including its 24-hour crisis line and counseling and education services. Sunday, April 7; danecountyrcc.org. End Violence on Campus Summit Campus and law enforcement leaders discuss how sexual assault, dating violence and stalking affect Madison's student population and what the university is doing to fight it. Wednesday, April 10, 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. Gordon Dining and Event Center, Madison; evoc.wisc.edu. Healing Through Drama and Dance/Movement Therapy In honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, the Hancock Center will host a free open house and presentation with a movement therapy session focused on building self-esteem, grounding and playful outlets for self-expression and trust. Friday, April 19, 4-6 p.m. Hancock Center, Madison; hancockcenter.net. Denim Day Ceremony Join community activists and state leaders in solidarity against victim blaming at the annual event inspired by an Italian court's decision to reverse a rape conviction based on the victim's tight jeans. Wednesday, April 24. State Capitol, Madison; wcasa.org. Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault Celebration and Awards Luncheon Survivors of sexual assault and their allies gather to reflect on their triumphs and the struggles still ahead, while honoring local people and organizations that work to eliminate sexual violence. Saturday, April 27, 8:30 a.m.-2 p.m. Masonic Center, Madison; wcasa.org. Wrap Around the Capitol Head to the Square and be part of a human chain encircling the State Capitol to support of victims of sexual assault. Saturday, April 27, 2-3 p.m. Capitol Square, Madison; wcasa.org. Chimera Self Defense Class Boost your confidence with a two-part session that teaches physical self-defense techniques as well as what to say and do in the face of unwanted attention. April 28, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. McConnell Hall, Madison; danecountyrcc.org. April 2013 bravamagazine.com 63