Brava

May 2011

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sent hundreds of packages (and countless bottles of hand sanitizer and toothpaste) to troops around the world. They’ve also targeted their efforts on more specific needs, such as the 400 handmade pil- lows—complete with zippered cases for easy laundering—they shipped to a unit sleeping without the comfort of a soft pillow under their heads. Individually, Wagner also serves as the mainstay of the group, responding to an average of three to four phone calls and e- mails per week from members in need of a sympathetic ear. It’s a leadership position that is familiar territory for Wagner, who worked in the local chapter of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation for six years, under- standing other families’ pain as they navi- gated the maze of type 1 diabetes. Her role with BSM, though, brings an additional burden that would be difficult for anyone to bear. Since becoming president of BSM, Wag- ner has attended nine military funerals around the state to present a banner with the BSM signature star—colored gold for families who’ve lost relatives during ser- vice—to the parents of fallen soldiers. Seeing families endure her biggest fear certainly hasn’t been easy. “People have asked if this is the best thing for me to be doing [while my son is away],” she says. “Maybe not, but how could I not?” Yet through all these experiences, con- necting with other military families had, to Wagner’s surprise, helped ease her pain. Though she couldn’t bring Brandon back or even reach out to him and make sure he was OK, she could do her best to let other families know they weren’t alone. “And if I didn’t [offer this support],” she asks. “Who would?” Brandon’s deployment in Iraq had taken Wagner to unexpected places. Through the fog of emotions, she had pulled herself up and found a way to channel her experience into something positive. After nine months of her son being gone in Iraq, Wagner was in for the biggest relief of all: Brandon was on his way home. A soldier’s return is an event so emotion- ally intense it has become the subject of its own Lifetime television network show aptly titled, “Coming Home.” And for Wagner, it was no less moving. “The anticipation is unbelievable,” Wag- ner says, explaining the scene at her son’s base as she waited with a gymnasium full of families for his unit to walk through the doors. “You haven’t seen their face, you haven’t touched them in so long, and then they come [through the doors] single file. The national anthem was playing and there were tears just streaming down my face,” Wagner recalls. “Then they announced, ‘Troops dismissed’ and it was just a mad rush to the floor.” Now, months after his return, Wagner can rest easy knowing Brandon is back in the States and set to return to Wisconsin this winter. But connecting with other families has helped Wagner realize just how much help is still needed for military moms. While a recent initiative being led by first lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden called “Joining Forces” has placed a spot- light on the struggles of service members’ spouses and children, Wagner hopes the work of BSM might brighten the dim light shone on parents of troops, too. “…If I didn’t [offer this support],” she asks. “Who would?” “There’s a huge focus [in BSM] on cre- ating better awareness that we exist, so moms aren’t out there feeling like they’re fledgling,” she says. Meanwhile, Wagner’s efforts outside BSM—including a personal donation of toiletry items and towels to a unit of soldiers being redeployed without them—have also made an impact, earning her three volun- teer awards from Brandon’s base. That’s a fact Wagner is not eager to share. “What I do is like this,” she says, holding up her hand to show a tiny space between her index finger and thumb. “But what they do is like this,” she continues, open- ing her arms wide. Even so, Wagner plans to continue her work and focus on veterans and their fami- lies in the years to come. “[Helping military families is] a niche I’ve stumbled on that I have a passion for,” she says. Though it is still a world full of unknowns and uncertain trials on the road ahead, serving in the military has in a way, be- come a permanent lifestyle for Wagner and her family. Once you’re in, the experience stays with you for life. And wherever it brings her next, Wagner doesn’t plan to let up her efforts any time soon. “Just because my child is home doesn’t mean the work is done,” she says. ••• For more information about the local chapter of Blue Star Mothers, visit wibluestarmoms.org. May 2011 bravamagazine.com 45

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