April 2012

Issue link:

Contents of this Issue


Page 81 of 83

laugh A Series of Tubes Full of Cat Videos By Laura J. Gallagher If the Internet has taught me anything, it's mainly that people are friggin' nuts. But it's also made it clear that we—collectively as a society—have decided that cats, amongst all the mammals, can't spell worth a darn. I don't know how the whole LOLCat thing got started and, " " I spend more time printing out pictures of cats with fruit on their heads … than a woman with a near-genius IQ and a full-time job probably should. could care less, it means that you do care, at least a bit, which is hardly the metaphorical shrug you were going for, right? I'd love to see "I could care less about you" inscribed on an engagement ring someday. The spouse's band could say, "I don't hate you as much as I hate some other people." Oddly enough, a lot (or should I say "alot"; it's one word now, apparently) of the misused phrases I see have to do with animals. Between that, the whole LOLCats thing, and the fact that every third video on YouTube is of a polar bear doing something cute, I'm beginning to think that animals actually run the whole World Wide Web and they're lulling us into a false sense of security before the squirrels take over in a bloody, yet adorable, coup. For example, I've seen "escape goat" for "scapegoat," which frankly, I'm too lazy to research its history. I do know, however, that a) it's funny 'cuz it's cats; and b) I spend more time print- ing out pictures of cats with fruit on their heads with captions like "Melon Cat Iz Dizpleasd" than a woman with a near-genius IQ and a full-time job probably should. The Internet truly is a wondrous place, where people of all ages, nationalities and creeds can come together to share our interests, celebrate our similarities, examine our differences and demand that Betty White host "Saturday Night Live." Why Betty? (No offense, I love her.) Why "Saturday Night Live?" (No offense, I used to love it.) Who knows? We're all too busy look- ing up former bosses on Google and updating our Facebook status with such earth-shatterers as "windy today" to question what the heck that was all about. One thing I love, love, love about the Web is how it's taught me cracks me up. I picture a poor goat, just standin' by the road eatin' grass and thinking goat thoughts when someone trying to get out of a sticky situation jumps on his back, hits him with their heels, and yells, "Giddyup!" Or maybe it's a goat struggling to get out of a little goat straightjacket. There's also "doggie dog world," which makes our dog-EAT-dog existence sound all warm and snuggly. But my absolute favorite has to be seeing someone write "right from the gecko" instead of "right from the get-go." Now, I know "get-go" isn't really a word, but it makes sense in context—right from the beginning, that is, when something has just gotten going. How is a lizard the beginning of anything? Are they harkening back to the days when lizard-like creatures first crawled out of the pri- mordial ooze? That would certainly be "the beginning," I guess. The explanation that was proffered by whoever wrote it was, "I thought it had something to do with the Geico commercials." Which is not so much an explanation as it is a random series of words. What did they think people said before those commercials became popular? "Right from the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?" Yep, it's a mighty strange world out there in cyberspace, with that the sayings and expressions I assumed everyone knew are, in fact, not known by everyone. And that many people who do think they know them are often hilariously wrong. Actual examples: I've seen "for all intents and purposes" mangled into "for all inten- sive purposes." The offender's explanation was along the lines of "it means for all the really important purposes, you know, the in- tense ones." I have no idea what an intense purpose is. Maybe Betty White does. And the old snarky taunt, "I couldn't care less" has shown up as "I could care less," which is …just…completely…wrong. If you cats and lizards and honey badgers and Betty White all taking up space in our collective consciousness. All these odd little pop cul- ture blips that are so famous for a while are sooner or later (usually sooner) relegated to "Remember When" lists along with "Git 'er done" and the hot guy from the Old Spice ad. Fo' shizzle. Laura J. Gallagher is a long-time communications professional. When not teasing her husband, Triple M's Pat Gallagher, she is on Facebook at the Laura J. Gallagher Fan Page! ••• 80 BRAVA Magazine April 2012

Articles in this issue

Archives of this issue

view archives of Brava - April 2012