Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/995042
WORLD FENCE NEWS • JULY 2018 • 63 receiving even an iota of credit for holding things together during the nu- merous times upper management slips away for golf outings, trade shows (with hospitality rooms) and sporting events with box seats. But then again, what can you do? I'm pretty sure it's science or some- thing. The founder's second son • Way funner to be around than the founder's first son but a raging al- coholic. • Thrice divorced. • Loathes first son with every fi- ber of his being and spends inordinate level of daydream time constructing "accidents" in his head. • Resents working at all but real- izes there are few other places who will shell out $175K a year and still allow him to hobble in every morning around 10:30 a.m. in assorted levels of sobriety. • Is the central figure in a compa- ny tale (based on real events) involv- ing: – Himself and a lady of negotiable affection. – Being discovered by Las Vegas police in the wee hours of the morn- ing locked inside the trunk of a sto- len taxicab located at the outskirts of town just shy of the desert. – Both captives being found com- pletely unharmed but – apparently oblivious to any police presence what- soever – continuing to hoover up what was later to be described as "an abso- lutely legendary amount" of a popular recreational coca-plant derivative. • In charge of company golf out- ings. The founder's first son's & second son's wives • Comes in once every month to use the copier. Never refills trays and dares you to say anything. • Wanders hallway while copier is running, peering in office doors with aloof yet highly menacing stare. • Needs you to know she could break you "like that" if she wanted to. The founder's grandson • Sweeps warehouse at 14 because dad and grandpa (out loud, once a week so everyone can hear), "want him to come up through the ranks like everyone else." • Sweeps for 2½ hours on Tues- day and Thursday and still makes 1½ times your current salary. • Periodically called upon to turn off the "caps lock" key on dad's com- puter so the rest of office doesn't think he's yelling in his e-mails. Once talked his dad out of order- ing "ethernet fluid" for his router on Amazon ® . • Aware from an early age that he's won the genetic lottery, but has learned from dad and uncle's mistakes to mask intolerance of non-family members with a false humility. • Will be your boss before you re- tire. Everyone else employed with company • Who? Closing There you have it. By my reckon- ing, I've just taught you 99.8% of ev- erything you will ever need to know about the construction industry. You're welcome. Ok, maybe I did leave a few things out – like everything pertaining to the industry itself – but hey, I'm retired now and I can only afford so much ink. Now if you'll excuse me, there are some kids on my lawn and I have to go charge the water cannon. With over 25 years in the con- struction industry, primarily as an estimator and project manager, Steve Saucerman now writes, speaks and serves as a consultant.