Issue link: http://read.dmtmag.com/i/118258
"It's the most underreported, un-discussed crime in America." Kelly Anderson "I didn't know what to do," Conlin says, recalling through an onslaught of emotions, the night of the assault. "I took a shower and went to bed." For years afterward, the experience haunted her. Fearing disease, she had STD tests every six months until a girlfriend told her she had to stop. She panicked when she saw a rape scene in a movie. When a loving boyfriend playfully would not stop tickling her, the fear surged back. She even questioned whether there was something about her personality that prompted the attack. But through it all, she never told authorities. The reasons sexual assault survivors opt to keep silent run the gamut of fear-related responses. Sometimes they blame themselves, while other times they fear they won't be believed. Or they worry their assailant could hurt them if they do report it. As with Conlin, the majority of assaults are not committed by strangers—and often survivors know they'll cross paths with the assailant again. Stephen Montagna, communications director for the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault, points to a Twitter page—@IDidNotReport—where survivors can talk anonymously. "I never told anyone because I was ashamed and to this day I am afraid he will find me," said a woman who was assaulted by a man she knew. 62 BRAVA Magazine April 2013 "It happened at work; I feared he would be believed. I need my job," wrote another. Some wrote about assaults by their stepfathers, brothers and other relatives. They said they didn't tell anyone for fear of not being believed or fear that it would destroy their families. One woman talked about how it impacted her self-esteem and how she ended up in a series of abusive relationships. Yet another wrote, years after an assault: "Some nights I feel so empty and alone." Even the most vicious assaults do not always trigger empathy for the victim when they become known. "In Texas a 12-year-old girl was raped by 20 guys and the [online] response was 'Look at that little slut,'" says Anderson. "Our country was not outraged by that." Ideally, when they do step forward to file a report, survivors should feel like the law is on their side. Rape shield laws enacted in the late 1980s have come a long way in protecting victims from being questioned on the witness stand about their sexual histories and other aspects of assaults used to cast blame on the victim, according to law enforcement experts. Despite the shield laws, a victim's sexual history is still fodder for defense lawyers when they're on the witness stand, says Montagna. Anderson adds that the laws are not the only hurdle facing a victim seeking justice. "One of the big challenges is that we have changed the laws but our culture has not changed," she says. "The advent of DNA evidence has [simply] changed the defense from one of denial to a claim that the sex was consensual." And while medical staff and law enforcement in Wisconsin are often trained to deal sensitively with those affected by sexual assault, once the crime happens victims are often left to navigate the process of confronting the issue—legally, physically, mentally and otherwise—on their own. It's an issue that Jacqui Callari-Robinson, coordinator for the Meriter Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner program, says needs more attention. "We don't have advocacy throughout the state," Callari-Robinson says. "[We need] someone who will walk through the entire system with the victim, whether or not charges are filed."