Issue link: http://read.dmtmag.com/i/74289
the culprit cramping not only the careers but the off-hours of many a working woman. Rather than feeling bad about the days she has to work late or head out of town, Stern's answer is to focus on work (which she loves) when she's at the office and then stay engaged with her daughter when she's home. "I think I'm pretty good at leaving the office at 5:30 p.m. and just One of the tricks up her well-tailored sleeve? Letting go of guilt— For a moment while chatting with Andringa, I want to suggest that instead of balance, we call it work/life happiness (it at least has a nicer ring to it than effectiveness, right?). But for Andringa, it's really just about happiness—all by itself. "When you're making the right decisions for your business or your family, that's when you're the happiest," she explains. At the core of her message is a simple recipe: Let your actions be focusing on her for three hours until she goes to bed," she explains. She's also a natural at what Mullins describes as one of the keys to feeling accomplished in the onslaught of life's choices: adjusting expectations. According to Stern, there's no reason you can't passionately pur- sue a career and a family at the same time. But the catch to beating back the feeling that it has to be either/or is that you have to let a few balls in the juggling act hit the floor. "There's a lot of things I wish I could do in a day that I never get to," Stern explains, ticking off a list that includes network- ing, community work, more dates with her husband, time with friends, and maybe even a little "me" time. "[Though] I have no idea what I would do with 'me' time!" she in line with your priorities—whatever makes you tick, makes your soul sing, brings you joy. "If you want to change things, change your priorities," she says simply. "You are in control." To that end, Andringa offers a few "challenges" aimed at looking car alone…turn off the radio and think about yourself," she sug- gests. "Think about your top three priorities. Then look at what you're doing with your free time. Do those match up? If not, you're probably unhappy." Once you've defined your priorities, the implications could crop admits with a laugh. Yet, for all the activities it may seem like she's missing out on, beyond the daily tasks we want to accomplish to something bigger. "[Take] 15 minutes a day, maybe in the morning if you're in the when she really analyzes it, Stern says she's plenty satisfied with what she has. She'll find time to squeeze more in, she says; it just won't be all at once. After launching questions at Stern for an hour, I admit I'm re- lieved she doesn't "do it all." At the end of the day, she's come to make sense of the all the choices in life by picking what matters to her, staying flexible and committed, and charging forward without apologies. It's her own version of happiness (or balance, or whatever we're calling it) that offers a clue to the rest of us about how to manage what's on our plate. It also echoes a sentiment from Mullins that may just be the final verdict in how women have altered the conversation around work/ life balance: You can't expect to do it all, so don't set yourself up for disappointment by trying. Instead, apply your energy to what matters right now in life—and then focus on feeling good about any level of success you achieve with that. Is this settling? Maybe. But it's probably the closest thing to "balance" we can expect to find, and it may get us closest to where Andringa says our focus should be. up in different ways—from trimming those "should" items from the to-do list and adding what really makes you happy to even big- ger decisions. "I've had people quit jobs over this," Andringa explains. "They say, 'I don't know what I was waiting for. I was miserable!'" On her blog, Andringa recently admitted one of the life adjust- ways to refocus your attention on what matters. A friend of mine once rushed home every day to prepare a home-cooked meal. For her, the occasional pizza now makes do. Her goal all along wasn't the food, it was having her family around the table. And once she cut herself some slack, she even found the time to curl up with a book. Andringa nods at these notions. "It's about treating yourself with ments she's made; she hired a weekly home cleaning service, leav- ing her free time open for her top priority: family time. A cleaning service may not be your answer, but there are other TLC," she says. By the end of my quest, I may not have found that magical sweet spot or the mythical superwoman full of "secrets" for a perfect life. But what I have found is even better: An approach that feels real—and something more easily within my grasp. And with that, I feel like I've stepped off the tightrope where I had been teetering for so long. I may not be perfectly balanced but I'm on solid ground where the load feels lighter and up ahead I can see the direction I really want to go. ••• July 2012 bravamagazine.com 45