Issue link: http://read.dmtmag.com/i/112126
���Those conversations opened the door for him to talk to me,��� she says. ���Had I not shared them, I don���t know that he would have ever told me what was going on.��� reports for both the bullies and her son, and separating the kids into different classrooms. Tread Lightly but Persistently Vince Lombardi once stated ���The best defense is a good offense,��� and when it comes to bullying he���s definitely right. There���s much parents can do to prevent bullying before it becomes fact. Programs such as Act Now! and Disarming the Playground aim to build self-esteem, teach kids to be active witnesses and report bullying, and use role-playing to help children with appropriate responses and comebacks. These are all things parents can also do at home to build up their child���s offenses and defenses, says Jeanine Kiss, a Hancock Center therapist who runs Disarming the Playground activities. It���s important to remind your children that snitching isn���t ratting someone out��� it���s helping a friend who is hurting. ���If they can be a positive ally [to the victim], it is harder for the bullying to take place,��� says Kornblum. While they shouldn���t fight back with their fists, kids can employ other strategies. Ask your son or daughter what he or she has already tried and help brainstorm new tactics. They might report the incident, compliment the bully or change the subject, or simply move away from the action. Then role-play these responses with your child until they become second nature. Remind your child that some bullies feed on their responses, so as hurtful as their actions may be it���s important for them to remain calm and appear assertive. Overreacting makes teasing fun for bullies. They also need reassurance that if they cannot handle it on their own, they should ask a responsible adult for help. Stress that they should not be ashamed or afraid to do so, and that you���ll be there every step of the way. ���In an ongoing bullying situation, having an adult at school or at home for support is really necessary,��� says Kornblum. Finally, build kids up with positive words that emphasize their self-worth, and help them develop meaningful friendships. Confidence and support at school or at home can go a long way in keeping bullies at bay. And if after all this, your child still becomes a target, Kari offers some triedand-true words of advice. ���School isn���t the rest of your life, and things do get better.��� When your child is being bullied, a parent���s natural instinct is to emerge swinging. But it���s actually best to take a proactive versus a combative approach. You cannot fight this battle for your child, no matter how much you may want to. ���My mom was not having it ��� she took it up with the kids themselves. That only made things worse,��� Kari recalls. Know Your Rights Wisconsin Act 309 requires every school to adopt and adhere to a bullying policy. By law, these policies must de���ne bullying and set consequences for students taunting others. Schools must offer a con���dential reporting system and develop consequences for students who retaliate against those reporting bullying. Finally, these policies forbid school district of���cials and employees to turn a blind eye to bullying; the law mandates that they report the incidents they see. Calling the bully���s parents also may be a mistake. Though you might encounter parents appalled by their child���s behavior and willing to address it immediately, you���re more likely to cause further con���ict. The first avenue of defense should be to approach the school. While your student may beg you to keep things under wraps, adult intervention is a necessary evil. Keep emotions out of the equation as you calmly but firmly disclose the behavior and stress that you want it stopped. ���And, do not wait for the school to tell you about bullying behaviors; they may not be looking for them,��� warns Laura. With ever-increasing class sizes, a teacher responsible for 20-30 kids, or a playground supervisor watching 80 kids play, cannot see everything. But if you point out the situation, they can focus their attention on a particular group of kids, situation or area of the school. The handbook at Matthew���s school stated it had a zero-tolerance policy for bullying. But when push came to shove, the school shielded Matthew from taunting by keeping him in for recess while the bullies escaped punishment almost entirely. ���The policy apparently didn���t mean much,��� says Laura. ���It took me constantly being on top of it to get things changed.��� These changes included improved monitoring of the situation, daily behavior 52 BRAVA Magazine March 2013 Empowering Kids to Act ��������� *Name changed to protect parties��� identity.