Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/124935
In spring of 1999, Adoption Advocates contacted us and asked if we'd consider becoming parents to a precious baby girl born with some special circumstances. She was very tiny, and had Pierre Robin Sequence—when the lower jaw is small or set back from the upper jaw—as well as a cleft palate requiring special feeding and monitoring, and later surgeries and therapies. Though someday we hoped to adopt again, the timing was sooner than we anticipated as Mitchell had just turned 1. But every time we thought about it, the more we knew. Yes. We would be her parents. While Mitchell's adoption was "closed" —meaning we never met the birth parents and were given very little information about them—this adoption would be semi-closed. The birth parents wanted to meet us. The agency arranged a time, and with much anxiety we arrived not knowing what they would think of us, or if we'd be chosen. But shortly into the discussion, it became clear we had a baby girl joining our family. Her name was Jessica. We also met her foster family, birth grandmother and doctors, to ease the transition and learn to feed and care for her. Finally, Jessica, the tiny baby who was meant to be our little girl, came home to our family—her family—and took over our hearts. " " Adoption doesn't define either of us. I'm completely her mother and she is my daughter whom I love with all my heart. 48 BRAVA Magazine from her birth grandmother, whom we had met 13 years earlier. She'd been following Jessica through newspaper articles and had even seen her from afar at the local grocery store. She was hoping to meet Jessica before it wasn't possible due to her age and health. This letter opened up so many emotions for me. I was at a loss, for days, about how to respond. Following an honest conversation with Jessica and leaving the choice to her, we set a date to meet on neutral ground. On a chilly August day, we met at a park to exchange stories, photos, cherished items and some tears. It wasn't an easy meeting for any of us—but certainly an important one. Since that day, we've continued contact and have received additional information about Jessica's biological family. As we've learned more about our daughter's history, it's become clear how incredibly blessed we are to have received the gift of our children. I can't imagine a single day without the love each brings to our lives. I'll be honest—I could use less arguing, drama and the lovely adolescent issues we are now dealing with, but quite frankly, we're normal here. Having two children only 18 months apart without much notice—no nine months of preparation—was life-changing. The years of infertility followed by the joy, in such short order, of two wonderful children made me a stronger person. I have become a great advocate, supporting both of my children's unique needs and personalities. I've worked hard to focus and reflect on the positives on those days every mother has, when she feels she's going crazy and won't make it one more minute. And I've discovered an answer that seems right for me and my daughter. The next time I'm asked about my daughter's red hair, I'll most likely reply, "It comes from her birth mom." (Pause.) "Yes, she is my adopted child. But, while adoption has been the most amazing and wonderful journey for our family, it doesn't define either of us. I'm completely her mother and she is my perfectly beautiful daughter whom I love with all my heart. Her red hair, freckles and beautiful blue eyes—they're just the bonus she's been blessed with." But then again, it's going to be tomato season soon! It was important to us that both kids understand they were adopted and we did our best to share information when it seemed appropriate. Part of an agreement with the agency was to provide letters and annual photos of the kids to be forwarded on to the birth parents. Occasionally, the kids would even help out with this. Unfortunately, the agency is no longer serving clients and the connection to the birth families disappeared with it. But in April 2005 we stumbled upon unexpected news about Jessica's birth mother: In a newspaper obituary we saw she had died at only age 34. We didn't immediately share this information with Jessica, uncertain of how she'd respond. When we finally opened the discussion, Jessica handled the news quite well, although she continues to keep many of these feelings close to her heart. Then, last summer, we received another connection to Jessica's birth family: a letter May 2013 ••• Tracy Brooks is a marketing assistant at McFarland State Bank. Her daughter Jessica is now 14 and son Mitchell is 15. Visit bravamagazine.com for more of Jessica's story, Tracy's tips for navigating the adoption process and information on local adoption resources.