Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/287907
The Art of Manliness Continued JOBS for TEAMS | 16 www.jobsfor teams.com create guidelines for how to act towards others and how to expect others to act towards you. In this way, they smooth and facilitate interactions and prevent misun- derstandings. This function was especially important in traditional honor cultures, where a per- ceived slight could lead to challenges and bloodshed. Rituals kept behavior in check that might offend or insult, and if an alterca- tion did still occur, they mediated a solution that would satisfy both parties, often with- out resorting to violence. Duels of the 19th century, for example, were not spontaneous affairs in which an insult was given and the parties Apriled immediately outside to do battle (in fact, striking another gentleman made you a social pariah). Instead, a duel had to be conducted calmly and coolly to be dignified, and the preliminaries could take weeks or months; a letter requesting an apology would be sent, more letters would be exchanged, and only if a peace- ful resolution could not be reached would plans for the duel actually commence. Even then, only 20% of these "affairs of honor" ended in a fatality; each side would deliberately miss or intentionally aim for a non-critical wound. Ritualistic combat to resolve problems may seem barbaric to us today, but its advocates at the time believed it actually reduced violence. Instead of a conflict pull- ing in each party's associates, and turning an issue that was originally between just two men into an endlessly bloody feud between groups and families (a la the Hat- fields and McCoys), a mano-a-mano show- down nipped the problem in the bud and provided a clear resolution to all parties. Though the ritual of dueling died out, no alternative rituals outside the legal system emerged to replace it. And this has brought its own set of problems. As Carlin Barton, author of Roman Honor, argues: "The absence of sufficient and power- ful 'given' rituals makes it hard, in con- temporary American culture, not to be overwhelmed by the intensity of one's emotions or to respond to even slight chal- lenges with anything but expletives. The formalized behaviors that would mediate between violence and passivity are lacking in our culture. We respond to humiliation by shooting one another or by watching television." Rituals smooth and facilitate social interactions. A lack of shared social rituals leads not simply to violence (or submerged, unre- solved rage), but simple awkwardness. As Barton observes of the late period of one classical culture: "The lack of reliable rules and shared unconscious assumptions often hobbled speech and action. And so immobility and stupor are as frequently depicted as violence in the literature of the great het- erogeneous Roman Empire." Today, though getting rid of some of the "stuffy" rules of etiquette was supposed to be liberating, interactions can often be bumbling and artless, as nobody is sure what they are supposed to do. "Who picks up the check…oh, looks like we're both reaching for it." "Is someone going to introduce me…I guess not. I'll just stand here awkwardly." "Ooh, I guess that's not a subject I should have brought up." If you think of any sport, its rules serve to facilitate the action. Without them, or if every player followed their own rules, the game would devolve into chaos, lack its aesthetic rhythm and flow, and lose all meaning. Once the athletes know the pa- rameters they are working with, they can concentrate on performing the permis- sible behaviors at their very best. In the same way, while social rituals may seem restrictive, they can actually create path- ways or channels through which behavior can flow more freely. Rituals can produce "collective JobsForTeams0414_manliness.indd 2 3/6/14 8:26 AM