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The Art of Manliness Continued JOBS for TEAMS | 20 www.jobsfor teams.com mantle part of your identity. This first requires recognizing that you're part of a negative family story. It neces- sitates the humility to admit that without intentional, concerted effort on your part, there's a good chance you'll continue that negative narra- tive. We like to think of ourselves as capable of overcoming our parent's influence, but it's surprisingly hard. We often think we're nothing like them, only to see the old familial traits suddenly, and dishearteningly emerge in us during certain periods of our life. Certainly it's a truism of parenthood that you'll eventually catch yourself doing or saying the exact same thing to your own kid that your parents said or did to you. It's one of those moments when you realize, "I'm just like my father!" Once you recognize the obstacles you have to surmount, mentally and emotionally anoint yourself as the transitional character in your family. Tell yourself that things will be dif- ferent with you. 2. Imagine your posterity. To give yourself motivation on those days when you feel like being a transitional character is all too much work, take five for a quick visualization exercise. First, imagine the negative effects you could pass down to your kids, and their kids, if you don't uphold this new set of standards. For example, if you come from a family where most everyone is obese, imagine your kids married and overweight, and your obese grandchildren wheezing as they try to play, being bullied for their size, and getting a diagnosis of childhood diabetes. Now wipe that disconcert- ing scene from your mind and imag- ine instead your grown children in another way: fit and happily looking on as their own healthy kids energet- ically romp around the backyard. When you get overwhelmed about the effort it takes to reverse negative familial patterns, take the time to think about the kind of life you want for your posterity. Will they be telling stories to their children and grand- children about how just three gen- erations ago divorce, poverty, obesity, and addiction were the family norm, but that it all changed with you? 3. Marry someone from an intact family. According to Brad Wilcox, The Di- rector the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, research shows that if you come from a bro- ken home, your chances of divorce decline if you marry someone from an intact family. Someone whose parents are still married has likely picked up some positive habits for marriage and parenting. And by spending time with your in-laws af- ter you get hitched, you'll also get to see a model of how an intact family operates. Now, I'm not suggesting that you make your potential spouse's intact or broken family a deal breaker (you wouldn't want her to use the same standard on you!), but it's some- thing to keep in mind as you date. If both you and your spouse come from families of divorce, recognize that you may have to work harder at building a strong marriage than couples where both partners, or