Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/630204
WISDOM & 24 www.FlatbedTruckingJobs.com February 2016 WISECRACKS By Wendy Parker I 'm pretty sure there's a distinct possibil- ity we were abducted by aliens the other night. At least that's how the story would go if I were telling it at the Counter of Knowl- edge. There was a fl ash of light, George said, "Holy sh*t!", and we didn't die, so there was either a tear in the space- time continuum, or we had a close encounter of the slightly disturbing kind. Also, it could have been a meteor. I missed it, because I was farting around on the interwebs instead of looking out the window, which I tend to do a lot on this particular trip, since I've seen Footlong (formerly "Big Butter") Jesus beside the giraffes on the roofs of the fl ea market in Ohio, the FLORENCE water tower in Kentucky and the big basketball of Dearborn approxi- mately seven million times in the past six months. For some strange reason, I still feel compelled to snap occasional pictures of Footlong Jesus, it's probably for the same reason I have an abundance of pictures of the St. Louis Arch, it's just so big and weird, you can't help but take pictures of it. Anyway, we couldn't hear chatter about the alien abduction/meteor, because the cable on one side of the antenna was messed up, and our CB was getting in and out about nine feet from the truck, so we spent the rest of the trip home wondering what the heck the giant exploding light in the sky was. Given current world climates, things got a little scary for a minute, as I al- lowed myself to think about just how close we were to a tank facility, and what exactly it would take to light the sky up like that. George saw it and assured me it came from the sky, not the ground, which really didn't make me feel better because that had to mean it was either Turdjerkistan war planes or aliens. (Welcome to my mind, where I'd like to thank my imagination for not letting us have nice things, like shooting stars or fi reworks, and going directly to "code red" and aliens.) We heard on the news later that the fl ash of light was a meteor — apparently there was more than one, and they were whop- pers, so I guess we weren't actually alien- abducted or fi red upon by the Turds, but head on a swivel, people. You never know when either could happen. The antenna got fi xed before George left again, as fi rst snow of the season has fi nally touched the Dearborn chassis run, and he wasn't about to go without having a good, working CB. I stayed home for a hair ap- pointment on the fi rst snow run, and I ain't too cocky to say I'm happy as hell to have In search of a decent hair barrette