Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/642738
JOBS for TEAMS | 20 www.jobsfor teams.com Manliness The Art of by Brett and Kate McKay courtesy of artofmanliness.com A friend of mine told me about a compliment she received the other day from a co-worker. "Bridget," he said to her, "you look like you've lost a lot of weight! You've still got a ways to go, but keep it up!" The colleague clearly intended for the comment to come off as praise, but it instead had the very opposite effect. Rather than hearing "Congrats on the weight loss!" all my friend heard was, "You're still fat." Bridget had been the recipient of what's called a "backhanded compli- ment." It's a bit of praise laced with an insult — a rose with a thorn. In order to give you a better grasp of the form backhanded compliments take, I solicited examples from AoM readers on Twitter. The list they generated was both hilarious and cringe-worthy: • You're the heaviest guy I would date. • That's a really good college, for a state school. • You're pretty athletic for a short chubby guy. • Lol, a lot of people don't like your humor but I think you are really funny. • Great picture! You must have a re- ally nice camera! • You're so articulate! [said to a black man] • Usually cardigans look terrible on fat guys. • You've got a nice head. When did you start losing your hair? • I love listening to you talk, it's rare to hear that really camp gay voice anymore. • Your skating is amazing, just imag- ine if you lose all that weight. • You're not as awkward as you used to be. • Your paintings are actually good. [Add "actually" to pretty much any compliment, and you're in back- handed territory] Those who offer backhanded com- pliments usually don't realize they've done so; they have good intentions and think they're giving nice, hon- est praise. But because of our brain's propensity to focus on the negative, the compliment given at the outset invariably gets overridden by the backhanded slap at the rear. A back- handed compliment feels little like How to avoid giving a backhanded compliment