Issue link: http://read.dmtmag.com/i/48221
70 • DECEMBER 2011 • WORLD FENCE NEWS I've got some bad news, and some bad news From the humorously active mind of construction industry veteran Steve Saucerman comes this "imaginary" but not unbelievable e-mail from a construction remodeler (BS Remodel- ing) to his clients, who were on vaca- tion while the remodeling was being done to their home. From: BS Remodeling Subject: Remodeling job To: Phil and Jane Deepockets Hi, it's me, Billy Bob. Thank you very much for your last e-mail. I hope you're both havin' a real good winter vacation in Florida. I promise the major remodel of your lovely home is coming along real good. I sure hope Mr. Deepockets is feeling better. He sounded a little tense in his last mes- sage. I don't mean to be unkind, Mr. D, but I'm not sure that kinda' language was necessary. You know, you're get- ting on in years and you've put on a lit- tle weight and all that stress can't be good for the ol' ticker! But as we agreed, I'm contacting you once a week now (since the unfortunate inci- dent) to keep you up on our progress. First off, I've got great news! Cat- astrophic Casualty Insurance said they will pay! Well, most of it, anyway. Your neighbor's pedigree retriever ain't covered. And again, I'm really sorry Mr. D. Sports Equipment ..for over 40 Years! Visit us at FenceTech '12! Booth # 1731 Tennis Nets, Posts, Windscreens, Court Equipment, Quickstart Tennis... Baseball Tunnels, Protective Screens, Windscreens, Field Equipment... Basketball Adjustable Systems, Fixed Systems... Soccer Steel Goals, Aluminum Goals, Nets, Field Accessories... Volleyball Steel Post Systems, Aluminum Post Systems, Competition Nets... Hockey Professional Frames, Hockey Frames, Hockey Nets, Protective Netting... Custom Products Netting, Backdrop/Divider Curtains, Padding, Vinyl Covers... 800-553-8907 www.douglas-sports.com USA Manufacturer I'll tell ya', my partner Jeb, I'll bet he never tries that again! Who'd a' known that dog was gonna react like that? You'd think he never had beer before! And more good news! We finally stopped the water coming in. The peo- ple from the city were real nice about the repair. They was even laughing 'bout it. They kept talkin' about man- hours and imbeciles and how this was "really gonna cost somebody some- thin," but they was smilin' the whole time! I never heard such goin' ons. I'll tell ya' Mr. D, I never dreamed we were anywhere near that main! Well, live and learn! The police stopped again this morning. I hate it when they do that 'cause I always seem to lose crew. They got Billy this morning on child- support and nabbed Stu on some trumped-up drug charges, and of course Immigration got nit-picky on that green card thing and took a few guys away. Anyway, as they was takin' state- ments, these two real nice men from the IRS show up. I give 'em your best coffee to smooth 'em and – but you know me, Mr. Blabbermouth – we get to talkin' and one thing leads to the other and I end up showin' 'em your computer. I hope that was OK. They seemed particularly interested in your accounting programs. Why do you have two of 'em Mr. D? They men- tioned somethin' 'bout getting ahold of you … So how's that Florida weather?? Nice, I'll bet! It's cold here. In fact, we kinda real accidentally left your foun- dations uncovered for a few days and they heaved just a little. But don't you mind 'cause we'll take care of it. We got plenty of shims. The water pipes might take a little longer to fix though. Hey! We got those stains out of your living room carpet! We just moved some of the furniture around to hide the really bad spots and trimmed some of the shag at places to even it all out. Looks good as new! Finally, ta' answer Mrs. Deepock- ets's question, we haven't seen Chester in, well, a week now. The last anybody can recollect, he was playin' around that open air vent in the master bed- room floor. Then he was gone. The "meowin" noise stopped on Tuesday though, so I'm sure he's OK. Well, I hope this catches you guys all up on our progress. This might not be the best time, Mr. D, but if I could ask ya' 'bout last month's payment. Seems we haven't received a check in awhile and Stu's bail ended up ta' be a lot more than we thought. Well, I'm sure it's just a post office thing or somehin'. Stay warm! Until next week! :-) Professional construction estima- tor and educator Steve Saucerman is a long-time contributor to World Fence News. SPREAD THE (WORLD FENCE) NEWS! Bosses, encourage your employees and clients to keep up with the latest news from the fence world by reading World Fence News OnLine each month! There is no charge to access this site, and it's a great way for everyone connected to your firm to stay in the loop, especially if you have ads or editorials running. All ads and editorials that are contained in the regular printed edition of World Fence News are available in digital format at www.worldfencenews.com (click on "Read Our Current Edition OnLine") If you have any questions regarding the printed or OnLine editions of World Fence News, contact Rick Henderson at 800-231-0275 or e-mail editor@worldfencenews.com. Be Sure To Visit The World Fence News Crew at FENCETECH'12! Booth 1516