Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/37044
50 • AUGUST 2011 • WORLD FENCE NEWS ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ KEENER-DUPONT WIRE “Serving the fence industry for over 35 years” Pigtail Ties And Square KDT GATE RODS Ask About These Other Fine Products ALUMINIZED TIES ALUMINUM TIES ALUMINUM HOG RINGS VINYL TIES DOMESTIC BARBED WIRE ⁄2 K TIE-WIRES D ALUMINIZED HOG RINGS VINYL HOG RINGS STEEL TIES CUSTOM TIES VINYL COATED BARBED WIRE TIES AVAILABLE IN ALL LENGTHS FROM 42” IN 6 GA. STEEL TO 111 GA. ALUMINUM CUSTOM SIZES, GAUGES AVAILABLE – ANYTHING YOU NEED 7 GAUGE COIL SPRING • GALVANIZED • ALUMINIZED • VINYL Ask About The KDT Power Twist Tie! 1-800-749-7181 MEMBER FOR FREE SAMPLES, E-MAIL sales@kdwire.brcoxmail.com AND MENTION WFN! MADE IN THE U.S.A. Fence ewsN World Fence News, © News from the World of Fencing, Access Control and Security the Fencer’s Almanac & WFN Online - Your Most Dependable Sources of Fencing Information STEEL HOG RINGS 6 GA. AND UNDER ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ Sometimes, what’s not said comes through loud and clear The Subliminal Architectural Voice Mail System BY STEVE SAUCERMAN Here is a transcript of an archi- tect’s voice mail system, with the un- spoken portions filled in by Steve, who has dealt with his share of architects. So, imagine that you, as a contractor, have dialed up this architectural office. * Ring … Connect * “Hello. You’ve reached Malicious Architectural Group and Orthographi- cal Technology Service’s (MAGOTS) subliminal contractor helpline. This helpline was established by MAGOTS to address [you charlatan, simple- minded] contractors who may have [moronic] questions, [inane] com- ments, or wish [preschool-level] clari- fication regarding our [sacred, pristine, and irreproachable] architectural doc- uments. Better yet … this helpline al- lows us to [not have to smell you while we] establish better cooperation and communication [which means we don’t have to talk to you in person] that is so often paramount [look it up] in the completion of quality [yeah… like you care] and profitable [ours] construction projects for our clients.” “So [you big pud], if you know your party s extension [fat chance], please enter it now.” * No response * [Yeah, we thought so.] “If you don t know your party’s extension [oooohhh, big surprise!!], please hold [forever] while we [berate you further and then] connect you to our menu of options: * Hold -- Connect * {*While waiting for company menu, background advertising comes on…} “Here at MAGOTS, not only is the project owner our client, but you – the contractor – are [rabid] too. It’s been proven time and time again that [we are superior to you in every way and] only when a construction project pos- sesses the comraderie and willingness by all parties to get involved, cooper- ate, and act as partners [or in your case, we’d accept ‘homo sapiens’] and team-mates [team-mates?? Geeeeeeeez…four years of school, a new Lexus, a $1,500 suit and a pent- house office…and they team us up with the Flintstones…!] can a project be deemed truly successful.” *The voice mail system comes back on….and somehow the “mes- sage” starts becoming less and less subliminal……….. * “Very good…we didn’t think you’d make it this far. Please select from the following menu options. For our pleasure, we’ve re-routed your local call through our satellite office in Figi so you will incur long distance charges from here on out:” * Hold * * Twenty-two minutes later...* “Please listen to the following menu options. For your convenience and understanding, we’ve [used little words whenever possible and] broken up the menu into the following cate- gories:” – “For a company directory, please press 1.” – “For a company directory in English, press 2…[“SUCKER!!!! God, that one breaks us up every time!!”] – “If you have questions, com- ments, or criticisms regarding our plan and specification package currently out for bid, press ‘π’.” – “If you have a complaint or wish to speak to someone in upper manage- ment, please press the big white but- ton located at the top or bottom of your phone. Keep pushing until you hear a dial tone.” – “For all other questions and/or comments, please dial BR 549 for the next available operator.” * You press “2”…* “We’re sorry, but the number you ve entered is invalid. But we’re not surprised. If you were stupid enough to hang on the phone for 22 minutes it was a pretty safe bet you weren’t going to master something as technologically advanced as a push- button phone. We suggest you try an- other brand. Perhaps PlaySchool carries a line. “Please enter another number.” *You press 2 again…* “The number you’ve entered is still invalid. Actually, all of the num- bers in this menu are invalid. We’re simply amusing ourselves. We’ve got a weekly pool going in our office to guess how many times Neanderthals such as yourself will enter totally ficti- cious numbers over and over and over again while still not getting anyone. Wiseguy Construction in Boston is ahead right now with 83. But the new money’s on you.” *Frustrated, you hit O for opera- tor…* “What...you really think we didn’t see that coming? Nice try, loser. Now we’ll automatically transfer your call to the El Rukin gang headquarters in south Chicago. They’re going on trial this week, have caller ID, and really continued on page 52 Wol rd Look f o r the K-D label at y our local supplier!