Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/280108
68 • APRIL 2014 • WORLD FENCE NEWS Fencer finds practical joke ain't very practical BY JIM HART WFN CONTRIBUTING EDITOR EMERITUS In remembrance of long-time World Fence News contributing editor Jim Hart, we will occasionally reprint articles from past issues. Here is one of his classics from 1992. Sadly, Jim passed away a number of years ago, but his unique fence humor lives on. • • • Here's a clincher for you. Some idiot lost a wheelbarrow off his truck the other day out on the interstate, and it got in front of a White Freightliner tractor trailer rig going about 70 miles an hour. Our local sheriff put out an "All Points Bulletin" for the guy who lost the wheelbarrow, and someone phoned him and "squealed" on me! Hell, it wasn't my wheelbarrow, and I was never even on the interstate! Apparently, a "friend" with a police monitor radio picked up the APB, and thought he'd pull a fast one on me by turning me in! The sheriff said he didn't think it was me, but he had to check it out any- way. I proved that we were on a job- site at the time the "accident" happened. I was exonerated, of course. The same sheriff did try to give me a $2,500 reward once for assisting in a gigantic drug bust that I was nowhere near. I supposedly drove my truck in front of a DC-7 airliner full of dope to keep it from taking off. I told him I ap- preciated the thought, but I felt guilty since it was some other fence guy working at the airport at the time, and I wasn't within 50 miles of the crime scene! I got to wondering if our local law enforcement officials were spying on me or something. I got a little suspi- cious of them after that episode, I tell you! Well, getting off of practical jokes for a minute, I was looking into our lit- tle "box of tricks" the other day, and ran across our old collection of caps and other stuff that we keep for restoration work where the customer wants "authentic." I found a 400-billion-year-old chunk of iron that I figured was the world's first 1-5/8" rail end cup. It must have weighed three-quarters of a pound. You might ask, why do I say it is 400 billion years old? Well, that is what the atomic dating process puts the age of iron, give or take a few mil- lion years. And I figure any rail cap that is as heavy duty as this one has to date back to the dawn of creation. We salvaged the thing when we tore down an old fence around the lumber yard years ago. (Not quite 400 billion years ago; more like 20.) Anyway, I ended up using the thing on a repair job where a fence got run into by a driverless car. The car ap- parently jumped into gear with the en- gine running, crossed four lanes of heavy traffic, got up on the sidewalk and took out 12 feet of chain link fence, including one line post that was bent double. The fabric was from "way back when." It was weird stuff, with an odd sized diamond. The owner of the fence calls and asks if I can fix it, so it looks like the original with the faded gray galvaniz- ing. I says, "Of course I can, if you want a restoration job." He replies, "I don't like the way you said 'restoration' job." "What's the difference between mending a fence and restoring it?" "About $70," I reply. "Well, just mend it then," he says. But to make it look as much like the original as possible, I explain that I will take a section of his old fence down where it is hidden by shrubbery, and reweave it into the damaged sec- tion. I will replace the "take down" section with some more modern fabric that comes close to looking like the original. That was OK with him, he said. He was amazed at how close the new fence came to the old one. I even managed to salvage the old 9 ga. tie wires so the new ones wouldn't give away the repair job by being too shiny. Well, it turns out the vehicle owner didn't have any insurance. He's a migrant worker, and I can identify with that because I can still remember my days as a "fruit tramp." Boy, do I remember! So I tell the customer that $50 will cover the cost nicely. The owner of the fence jumps in about now and hands me the 50 bucks, and tells the migrant worker to forget about it, cause he also remembers how it was when he picked fruit. So all's well that ends well. I got a 22-foot roll gate installation from him, to boot, at one of his more "modern holdings," as he puts it. Every cloud has a silver lining. Or at least, a galvanized lining! He was amazed at how close the new fence came to the old one. I even managed to salvage the old 9 ga. tie wires so the new ones wouldn't give away the repair job by being too shiny. ! "# $ %&!' !( )) ! The DYNA MS600 swing style picket pointer is a simple machine to setup and operate for cutting pickets. It is a similar design as the MAR-SAL picket pointer. Boards and cants up to a total of 6" width can be pointed. Various point styles can be achieved with the MS600 such as french gothic, gothic, stockade and round dogear. Two air clamps hold the boards securely in place during the cutting process.