Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/40026
WORLD FENCE NEWS • SEPTEMBER 2011 • 51 ® Offers Commercial And Industrial Aluminum Fence, Gates, And Railing Products! Puppy Panel Privacy Panels & Cantilever Gates SPECRAIL Your No. 1 Source For Aluminum Fence And Railing Products In remembrance of long-time World Fence News contributing editor Jim Hart, we will occasionally reprint articles from past issues. Here is one of his classics from 1991. Sadly, Jim passed away a few years ago, but his unique fence humor lives on. • • • I hate September! That's when all the kids go back to school, which means they need new clothes, which means their parents ain't got any money left to spend on fence! There estimate, and sends the money. It ar- rives just about the time I discover I underestimated the price by $300. I call Mexico, and when I mention the $300 mistake, he suddenly doesn't un- derstand a word of English. Since the call is costing me $30 a minute, I say, "OK, OK, I'll do it for the price I quoted." Amazingly, he understands the English language again! Oh well, that's par for the course. I hate September! 333 Welton Street, Hamden, CT 06517 (203) 248-6346 or (800) 243-6256 Fax: (203) 248-8489 MEMBER www.specrail.com info@specrail.com So I toted out our "commercial duty" land clearer, and laid waste to the right-of-way weeds, only to dis- cover there are thousands of concrete bases the size of 50-gallon drums with metal hogwire poles stuck in 'em in a ditch that is directly under the string. There are also about a dozen 5-foot- high palm trees inside the line. And did I mention the rotten chicken eggs that were scattered every two steps along the fenceline? They go off like shotgun shells when you step BY JIM HART, WFN CONTRIBUTING EDITOR IN MEMORIAM ain't even any money around to spend on car lot fences that were vandalized during summer vacation! Naturally, my licenses and insur- ance come due in September, creating a cash flow problem – flowing out, not in! Well, this last September was no different. But at least I was able to sal- vage mere defeat out of monumental catastrophe. There was one job that came our way: 784' of 72", 74' of 48", one 20' roll gate, and one 72" x 20' DD. A former customer's third cousin was in Mexico, and someone was stealing his fighting cocks from his place here in the U.S. He calls for an I make arrangements with another cousin of his to clear me a right-of- way through the weeds, some of which are as big around as the trees. I say, "It'll cost your cousin $100 if I do it, so he says for you to do it." The cousin says he'll do it, but he doesn't! He claims some kids (his, I sus- pect) took down the string I put up on the poles to define the right-of-way. He didn't know where to mow, so he spent the time drinking beer with his other cousins instead! My poles, I dis- cover, had migrated into a chicken coop at another cousin's house, where they are now serving as roosts. I let it slide. It's September, remember? on 'em. And smell! Boy howdy! Now if someone asked me to describe Hell to 'em, I'd pull out a snapshot of this place and break a rotten egg under their nose. I'd be close, I bet! Two days are wasted clearing and getting water. (The cousins who live on each side of the jobsite take off for Mexico and shut off the electricity. Therefore, no water.) I go home the second day to get a water container, and blow out a tire in the driveway. I cancel the rest of the day for lack of in- terest. Darn, it's hot – 109 in the shade. However, the next day all goes well. We get half the "poles" set. We call it the rim," and go home. One side of fabric goes up in record time, with no trouble. On the back section we fight pine trees all the way. This gets us in the mood to tackle 332 feet of the ditch side. Well, not really, so we go home. It's hot, and my helper goes down with heat exhaustion. He recovers nicely in the air-conditioned emergency room at the hospital, however. My wallet will never recover if this keeps up! We are back on the job the next day, and it's cooled down somewhat to 99.4 degrees. So we hurry to get as much done as we can before the sun continued on next page MEMBER quits about two o'clock, when the Gatorade runs out. The next day is hot- ter yet, or so it seems. Now we are tackling the ditch side. We roll all the old bases outta the way. In the process, we break thou- sands of rotten eggs. I swear someone is bringing more each day and dump- ing them. Somehow we find enough dirt on the inside ditch bank to set the poles "shallow." We puncture the wheelbarrow tire with about 20 poles to go. We finish setting them "riding I hate September! Fall brings cash flow crunch for company