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46 • JANUARY 2015 • WORLD FENCE NEWS World Fence News – Your No. 1 Source of Fencing Information for 30 Years! In memory of Jim Hart, fencer, storyteller, and world class humorist, we will occasionally reprint one of the many articles that he contributed to World Fence News over the years. Jim passed away a number of years ago in Florida, where he lived. This column first appeared in the January 1992 edition of World Fence News. • • • There it was, just lying there, and of course I had to step in it. No, make that jump into it, wallow in it. Even though I should have known what it was, I hollered Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! I'm referring to those big piles of horse hockey that you sometimes en- counter as you travel down the won- derful Yellow Brick Road of life. It started when this big guy – 375 pounds, give or take an ounce – comes up to me in a Stop 'n Shop parking lot and asks how much we would charge to take down 487' of 72 + 3 B.W. and move it all 10 feet to the side. I blurt out the first price that comes into my head, about three times what I think it's worth. Actually, I wanted to see what his reaction would be. I should have been watching my reac- tion, because he thinks it's reasonable! I better check my prices against the competition, something ain't ko- sher here! Oh well, it won't hurt to take a look-see. It turns out to be a no sweat project - 40' or so of it was in vines, but the rest was out on open ground. A piece of cake! The dollar signs start dancing in my head. They even have brand new day-old survey markers on the loca- tion. I get his guy's John Hancock on the contract before he changes his mind. Full speed ahead! Well, since there is always a catch somewhere in these sent from Heaven jobs, mine shows up in the form of the fence's real owner, who whoops and hollers for us to stop work. The stakes are in the wrong place, he says, and if you touch that fence you will be tres- passing and I'll sue, he bellows. Too late to worry about that, since we got 150' down already. I inform this guy I was hired by so-and-so to move the fence, so what's the problem? Ah, so! You hate so-and-so's guts! The picture is becoming clear. Since so-and-so is paying me to move the fence – the old good neighbor ploy – but you ain't buying it, I am apparent- ly trapped between two armies in an undeclared war. Again! However, I am no longer com- pletely neutral, since I have part of the fence down. Heated words are exchanged between my employer and the owner, words like sue, squatters rights, and damages. War is declared! They are going to court! I will be sued if anything gets sto- len, and I am not to touch the fence till the case is settled. My employer laughs in the owner's face. That's easy for him to do, since he ain't the one being sued. My better judgment whispers to me, Donate your time to both of their favorite charities, change the company name and get the hell outta there! But the cash register in the other part of my brain overrules common sense. It's also known as greed. This argument is over one party, of the first part, fencing an unmapped road which really belongs to the party of the sec- ond part, who had it closed years ago. They come outta court in record time, and my man wins! Down with the fence! The new location is a real bum- mer. It starts low, climbs a small mountain, and drops into a valley at the far end. Both parties own small bulldozers, and my man offers to sor- ta push the mountain into the low end and the valley for free to make it eas- ier to fence. I'm all for it, but the fence own- er ain't. More heated words are ex- changed, including trespass, and ar- rested. That gets my attention, but the owner hollers that it's my employer – not me – that he means. My man whispers to me not to argue with the jerk. He says he is go- ing to plant trees right down the fence line, and he won't be able to use them. I try to explain to the owner that the fence will look awful if I follow the contours as laid out. He don't want to hear it, so follow the contours it is. We set the posts and drive out into the sunset (with the sun in the wind- shield all the way home, by the way). The next a.m., we arrive to find half of the posts are pulled out and scattered! I figure the war is back on, but a note taped to a post explains the new situation. The note is from the employer, saying that the posts aren't set deep enough, not enough concrete, the posts are off center in the holes, etc., etc. So someone had a bad night… I forgive 'em. I'm charging enough to cover this occupational hazard. So I reset the posts. Another neighbor comes over and says the fence owner and his son had a hell of a time getting the posts loose, and they finally dug 'em up just before we arrived. He makes the El Loco motion with his finger at his head. We are railing out when the son comes on the scene, spouting com- ments that suggest we don't know what we are doing, and why don't we hire someone who does. He would do better himself, even if he never built a chain link fence before, he says. My wife suggests he take his mar- bles and go play with the semi trucks out on Highway 27. Encountering road apples on the path to happiness BY JIM HART, WFN CONTRIBUTING EDITOR EMERITUS continued on page 78 Ending back breaking post pounding! Skidril is the place for fence post pounders and equipment. With over 30 years of experience and thousands of customers all over the world look no further for the best in the business. We make Gasoline, Hydraulic and Pneumatic powered drivers. The Skidril hydraulic driver line can be powered by the smallest power supply in the industry (only 97 lb. and 2 sq. ft.) or even your tractor, skid loader or digger. From ground rods to 4" pipe or wood we have a solution for you. 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