Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/59042
80 • APRIL 2012 • WORLD FENCE NEWS Some of you who know me know that I've been put on this earth to help those in the construction field less for- tunate than me. You're welcome! The rest of you who know me deliver my medications. From my many years in the business, I now offer you: "Impor- tant Construction Industry Defini- tions." • A/E: Architect / Engineer • A/E/EYOKFLTSWADD: Archi- tect / Engineer / Eighteen-Year-Old- Kids-From-Local-Tech-School-Who- Construction industry definitions BY S.S. "STEVE" SAUCERMAN Actually-Do-Drawing. • Addenda: Written changes to bidding documents occurring once ar- chitectural plans and specifications hit street and it becomes crystal clear that project entitled "Springville Nuclear Power Plant: Reactor #3 Renovation" is really recycled "Chucky Cheese: New Fun-a-Rama Maze" plan with title-block changes. • Architect: Design professional and (often) owner-representative for the building industry. Gets money up front, denies any and all responsibility from there on out, and charges for re- vision of own mistakes. When cornered will often feign knowledge of the English language. Whoa. Just 230 pounds per nine foot panel! Can you even begin to imagine working with concrete this lightweight? RhinoRock Concrete Fence's 6 x 9 foot prefabricated panels weigh just 230 pounds and are plain and simply easier to install than the same size concrete panel weighing 2,500 pounds. A three man crew can install 300 to 600 linear feet per day, by hand, compared to a much larger crew that must rely on the use of cranes and heavy construction equipment. RhinoRock's concrete fence panels are manufactured by combining a high performance fiber reinforced concrete outer shell with a structural foam core. And they offer the equivalent of a 140 mph wind load. 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We can have you an estimate in about 20 minutes when you call our toll free number. VISIT OUR WEB SITE OR CALL FOR MORE INFORMATION www.eprivacylink.com • 1.800.574.1076 No idiots, these architects. • Architect's project budget: Greatest amount of money owner is willing to pay for project and for ar- chitect to get contract. No relation to actual cost of project. • Bid letting (open): Gathering held upon completion of bid period wherein all competitors' blind propos- als are opened and read aloud with the (virtually always) lowest bid receiving contract. This is akin to awarding up- coming, delicate procedure to repair elusive brain aneurysm to Yosemite Sam. • Bid letting (closed): Bid award procedure wherein the project owner secretly chooses a contractor for his project. He then holds open bid process anyway to 1) appear fair, 2) make sure contractor he's selected isn't screwing him; and to 3) waste valuable time and resources of other (losing) bidding contractors. Busy owner then sets off for 3 p.m. meeting on business ethics. They're serving those little cocktail weenies in barbecue sauce he likes so much down at the corner bar. • BOO-HAH-HAH-HAH!!: Glee- ful sound emitted by owner as you sign his contract. • BOO-HAH-HAH-HAH (SNORT!!): Gleeful sound emitted by owner as you sign his contract with liquidated damages included. • Change order (owner): "I forgot this and I'd like you to do it for free." • Change order (contractor): "Yeah right …" (See "cha-ching!!") • Closeout: Moment in time every- thing catches up to the contractor. • Contract retainage: Carefully calculated "withholding" of money from contractor; generally a percent- age of entire contract amount. Used to cover cost to force contractor into fix- ing screw-ups by A/E firm. • Construction foreman: Person in charge of construction operations in the field. Often seen driving field workers over edge of cliff for con- sumption later. Notably disturbed and disheveled, foremen may resemble Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" but can actually be "softies" at heart. One was once observed compassionately allowing one last phone call before Notab l dishe resemb veled, y le Jac "softies" "The Shining" actuall f o remen ma k Nic y be obser allo ore beheading a painter ved compassionatel One was once wing one last phone call bef b t can y . disturbed andu at hear holson in y t. contin ued on pa g e 82