Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/110301
72 ��� MARCH 2013 ��� WORLD FENCE NEWS In memory of Jim Hart, fencer, storyteller, and world class humorist, we will occasionally reprint one of the many articles that he contributed to World Fence News over the years. Here is one that was originally published March 1991. Jim passed away in Florida, where he lived, a number of years ago. ��� ��� ��� Heh-heh-heh-heh! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho-hah-hah-hah! Oh, my aching toenails ��� I needed that! Business has been slow lately, and due to a bad habit I picked up as a kid ��� namely, eating regular ��� I took the The Law of Fence Physics at work BY JIM HART, WFN CONTRIBUTING EDITOR EMERITUS sage advice of a wise man: ���Whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it!��� I actually stooped so low as to set a mail box! Well, the weather was hot and there ain���t nuthin��� on TV ���cept commercials. Those guys called sponsors ought to pay us to watch ���em interrupt programs every five minutes with three minutes of commercials. Well, the mail box job led to a repair job and a good old-fashioned laugh that raised my spirits! Heh-heh- Your Complete Source for VIKING ACCESS SYSTEMS���, the Most Innovative Access Control Products on the Market! Proudly Providing These Quality Brands American Access Systems, Inc. ��� Apollo��� Gate Operators Click2Enter�� ��� Diablo Controls, Inc. ��� DoorKing�� ��� Elite��� HySecurity�� ��� Linear�� ��� SecuraKey Gatekeepers, Inc. is a full service distributor centrally located near Chattanooga, Tenn., with 1 to 2 days shipping to most of the Eastern United States. Orders ship within 24 hours. 800-378-Gate (4283) ��� 423-332-5808 ��� www.gatekeepers.net heh-heh! (Flashback ��� sorry.) Did any of you ever figure out the law of physics that comes into play when your come-along���s handle somehow manages to insert itself into the fence fabric you are stretching, and you can���t get it out? Yet it slips right in there with no problem! Poof! It���s impossible to do it on purpose ��� I tried! Well, I was privileged to see the same law at work in what may be a classic confrontation between a riding lawnmower and a chain link fence. The old gent across the street from the mail box job backs his Snapper riding mower into a corner of his fence. He is going to mow a stretch of grass between it and the ���lectric fence��� around his garden. He���s got an inch or two clearance, and is doing a nice job of backing in, I might add. He comes to a stop, changes gears, starts the blade, and lets out on the clutch. Nothing happens. His wheels are turning, but he���s going nowhere! He shifts into a higher gear. Again, nothing! He stops the engine, gets off, and looks under the mower. He remounts, starts the engine, puts it in a higher gear. Nothing! He starts the engine in a still higher gear. Nothing! He gives the engine all it has! Smoke bellows out of the exhaust, the wheels dig into the ground. He stops the engine, gets off, looks under the machine, remounts. He runs the engine up to full throttle, and tries to help matters along by using his butt to put forward motion Balusters / Spindles Benefits Options ��� Superior Strength ��� Fast Delivery ��� Unique Patented Aggressiv e Pricing ��� Custom Lengths ��� Private Label & Designs Desi Designs White Tan Tri Custom Manufacturing www.tricm.com Newel Post 4��� x 4��� x 48��� Colonial 2��� 2 �� Colonial 1 ����� Colonial 1 ����� Victorian Parkway 2 Ball y Parkway 1 Ball Classic Twist Patent No. D512,165 Princeton y Orleans Belly Shorty Khaki Phone 435-563-0261 Toll Free 1-866-833-9589 Additional Products Post Mount Towers Gate Hardware Faux Rock Pillars Post Wraps Balusters / Spindles Porch & Newel Posts Caps / Post Skirts Railing Brackets into the seat. Nothing happens! He leans over the handle bars, guns the engine ��� smoke, noise ensues ��� then it happens: the mower went form zero to 50 mph in about half a second! I see a strand of chain link come outta the fence as he goes, and at about the same time I also see 200 feet or so of electric fence being ���inhaled��� by the mower, stakes and all. I see a strand of chain link come outta the fence as he goes, and at about the same time I also see 200 feet or so of electric fence being ���inhaled��� by the mower, stakes and all. A corner post comes flying by and catches on the handlebars. The wire snaps, and the engine stalls. The old gent gets off, reaches under the mower and throws it over on its side. (No mean feat; the thing must weigh three or four hundred pounds!) He kicks it in its rear axle and goes to cussing it! He spots me watching and hollers ���You���re a fencer! I got a job for you!��� I hope I���m far nuff away so he didn���t know I���m giggling and chuckling to myself. Well, it struck me funny! By the time I cross the street I got the giggles under control, but am still racked by an occasional chuckle. ���Look at the *!#$% damned mess this stupid mower got itself into,��� he says when I walk up to him. I say, ���Sorry I couldn���t unwind the electric fence.��� He says it don���t matter; he would shoot the damn dog it was intended to keep outta his garden ��� and its owner ��� if need be! I say, ���I seen worse. One time a motorcycle got tangled up in a barb wire fence I was about to put up. It must of wound ���bout a quarter mile of my wire up on his drive gear before it tipped over.��� It was going quite fast, as I recall. It didn���t hurt the rider. ���Well, get it off for me,��� says the old gent. ���Damned stupid mower!��� He goes off to the house mumbling to himself. I finally let out a couple of real ���Ha-ha���s��� and set to work. It takes about an hour to get the wire and stakes loose. Two inches at a time. It���s wound tight, let me tell you! I flip the mower upright, and I see a strand of chain link pulled straight as the day it came off the reel. continued on page 74