Issue link: https://read.dmtmag.com/i/498244
WORLD FENCE NEWS • MAY 2015 • 81 In loving memory of Jim Hart, professional fencer, storyteller, and world class humorist, World Fence News will occasionally reprint one of the many articles that he contrib- uted to the publication over the years. Sadly, Jim passed away a number of years ago in Florida, where he lived. This column fi rst appeared in the De- cember 1992 edition of World Fence News. • • • I got to wondering the other day just how many "pre-dug" post holes I could legally haul on a standard semi with fl at bed trailer. (We been busy around here, you can tell.) I fi gured my multi-purpose pre dugs at 6" diameter x 24" deep, which would fi t just about any fence. I also did not knock off the value of pi from the holes. You see, they stack better square, and leaving pi on compensates pretty accurately for the weight of the pallets they are stacked on, in fi guring how many I can legally haul. Well, let's see here. The semi and trailer weigh about 33,000 pounds empty. The legal limit is 80,000 pounds, so 80,000 minus 33,000 equals 47,000 pounds. A 6" x 24" post hole has 144 square inches, and at a theoretical at- mospheric pressure of 15 p.s.i. that makes each hole weighs 2,160 pounds! Damn! No wonder you can't pull 'em out of the ground! The concrete comes out, but the 2,000-pound hole stays. Well, it looks like you can haul about 21.759259 post holes on each load. We can round that off to 22 post holes for all intents and purposes, if you don't get caught at a weigh sta- tion! Of course, there is always temptation to put 37 "pre-dugs" on. You can claim you didn't know the weight of the tractor and trailer had to be fi gured into the calculation. Hauling 37 holes will weigh in at about 79,920 pounds, and a scale-bust- ing 112,920 pounds of total weight counting the vehicle. So my advice is to pick them back roads to avoid weigh stations. But I would also add that you should be sure to pick GOOD back roads, so that your rig don't sink out of sight the fi rst time you stop for a call of nature. In the event you are about to be or are caught overloaded, remember that pre-dug post holes are easily disposed of. Roll the excess ones off the trailer onto the ground, and they very nat- urally blend into their surroundings whenever they land. Forget about picking them up lat- er, though. You will never fi nd them again. (If you mark them with paint, some highway hijacker will surely pick them up.) Now, how do you explain to your customer and your insurance compa- ny what happened to the pre-dug post holes that you are short on delivering? Good question! Ever hear of an outfi t called "Non- existent Fence and Culvert?" They did it – hijacked your load for a cup of coffee. They are experts, and do it so smooth that nobody ever notices what is going on. They have a fi ctitious phone num- ber and P.O. box number on their trucks, which they change daily. No one has been able to track this outfi t down to date! These guys are the ones who in- vade your territory and sell fence for $200 under your bid, installed for what the materials alone would cost you. You've all seen those fences right, even though they never put a fence sign on them. I've had so many pre-dugs stolen from our yard and trucks that we are discontinuing them. Damn, they were good sellers with the do-it-yourselfers! We are go- ing back to the old "fabricate the hole on the job" method. On the brighter side, our insur- ance rates will drop dramatically, and we can turn the pre-dug storage area into a fi sh pond. It's already fi lling with water, and diving beetles and frogs are living there. Of course, there is a large "de- pressed area" where we used to store the pre-dug post holes. Heck, we had approximately 100,000 of 'em in in- ventory, weighing about 2.16 million pounds. That much weight on a 150 x 50 foot area tends to compact the ground a little! Actually, over the years the ground under the storage area has sunk about 30 feet! There may be a few pre-dugs left under the water that has accumulated in the depression. What the heck! I'll just leave them there to give the fi sh something to hide in! Pile of "pre-dug post holes" could be a pressing concern BY JIM HART They have a fi ctitious phone number and P.O. box number on their trucks, which they change daily. No one has been able to track this outfi t down to date ! Available soon for: W O O D • A L U M I N U M • S T E E L • P V C FULLTILTGATEKIT.COM • 844-385-8458 • ORDERS@SMITH-BROTHERS.US ADJUSTABLE UP TO 25°, THIS PATENTED GATE BRACKET IS GOING TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE FENCE INDUSTRY. The Full Tilt Gate Kit™ is an innovative new gate bracket that allows you to build gates on a grade like you've never been able to do before. It's fully adjustable, easy to install, and cost-effective. Visit our website (fulltiltgatekit.com) or contact us for information and updates as we ramp up production of the Full Tilt Gate Kit, the gate kit you've been waiting for!